Funny Phrases

This post contains funny phrases that are good for kids and senior citizens and all in between.

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Clean Jokes

Alcoholic Joke How can they call it "Alcoholics Anonymous" when the first thing you do is you stand up and say, ‘My name is John and I am an alcoholic’? Funny Joke Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!" Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!" Peanuts Joke A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them at all then?” wonders the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!” Shark Joke A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly. - “So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And then you go at them full blast and eat them.” “OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intest
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Funny Clean Jokes Short

Aunt Joke My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals. Fish Joke I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery. Grandpa Joke Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?" Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer." Friend, "But you can't die of that!" Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we had to shoot him." Doctor Joke Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?" "The good one please." "I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live." "And the bad one?" "I’ve been trying to r
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Punjabi Jokes

Sugar Joke Rapeseed goes into the kitchen and opens the cookie jar. He looks inside and closes it. His wife observes the whole episode and says nothing. Again Rapeseed enters the kitchen and does the same thing. His wife asks, Rapeseed, why are you doing that?' Rapeseed replies, 'The Doctor told to check my sugar level regularly.' Movie Joke A Sardar said that he saw a movie 100 times. Reason:- There was a scene in the movie wherein a lady on the banks of a river is about to disrobe. Then suddenly a train passes by and the view is obscured. The Sardar saw the movie 100 times expecting the train to come late some day. Donkey Joke Having lost his donkey Sardarji Uddam got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby sees him and asks, So, your donkey is missing, what are you thanking God for?' Uddam replies, 'I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I, too, would have been missing.' School Joke A
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