Funny Clean Jokes
Waiter Joke
Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!
Lawyer Joke
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.
Daddy Joke
Daddy what is a transvestite? - Ask Mommy, he knows.
Google Joke
Q: Is Google a he or a she? A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
Barber Joke
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks. I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?” He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Train Joke
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit. A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train. The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
Interview Joke
Job interview in a psychiatry: So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people? - I’ve been on Facebook for 5 years now. - Very good, the job is yours.
Funeral Joke
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation. His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man." The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Doctor Joke
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80. Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now. Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!
Husband Wife Joke
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?” “Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
Dentist Joke
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
Money Joke
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
Politician Joke
One state official to the other: "I don't know what people have against us - We haven't done anything."
Married Couple Joke
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket! Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops. Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
Bird Joke
Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.
Doctor Joke
Patient to his doctor: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do? - Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?
Wealth Joke
I really can’t stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me. Do they really have to rub it in that they’ve got more cash than I do?
Parent Joke
Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
Drunkard Joke
Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?” - “No”, she replies sleepily. - “I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!” - Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
Husband Joke
Would you cheat on your wife?
On whom else would I be cheating?!
Thief Joke
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” Man: “I had to get to work.” Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?” Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
This is a post on the most decent funny clean jokes that are ever available.
Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup. - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!
Lawyer Joke
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.
Daddy Joke
Daddy what is a transvestite? - Ask Mommy, he knows.
Google Joke
Q: Is Google a he or a she? A: A she, no doubt, because it won‘t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
Barber Joke
Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks. I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?” He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
Train Joke
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it’s an exit. A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train. The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
Interview Joke
Job interview in a psychiatry: So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people? - I’ve been on Facebook for 5 years now. - Very good, the job is yours.
Funeral Joke
Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in contemplation. His opponent comments: "That must be the most touching thing I’ve ever seen. You are a very feeling man." The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Doctor Joke
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live to be 80. Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now. Doctor: See, I told you to live healthier!
Husband Wife Joke
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. “That won’t help you, Joe, you know?” “Oh it helps a lot,” says the man, “it’s the only way I can see the numbers!”
Dentist Joke
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
Money Joke
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I’d still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
Politician Joke
One state official to the other: "I don't know what people have against us - We haven't done anything."
Married Couple Joke
Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket! Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops. Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."
Bird Joke
Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.
Doctor Joke
Patient to his doctor: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do? - Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?
Wealth Joke
I really can’t stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me. Do they really have to rub it in that they’ve got more cash than I do?
Parent Joke
Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
Drunkard Joke
Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?” - “No”, she replies sleepily. - “I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!” - Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”
Husband Joke
Would you cheat on your wife?
On whom else would I be cheating?!
Thief Joke
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” Man: “I had to get to work.” Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?” Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
This is a post on the most decent funny clean jokes that are ever available.
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